Key concept: anicca

Recently, I’ve been experiencing bouts of abdominal pain. After a couple of doctor’s visits with many more on the horizon, it remains unclear what the cause is. While the pain has never been as extreme as it was on the day that this whole episode started, it has yet to fully dissipate. I remain acutely aware of at least an unpleasant sensation in my body at all times.

One of the things that has given me strength to push forward is the knowledge that all things are impermanent, including physical sensations, which arise, like all conditioned things, from an endless cycle of cause and effect.

When the pain was most severe, I quickly came to terms with the impermanence of my own life. Of course, it became clear over the course of the day I may have been overreacting just a tad and that I was actually going to live. But I promise that in the moment it certainly didn’t feel that way. On that dreadful day, the assurance that my pain would eventually fade is what gave me the willpower to walk when I felt like I couldn’t stand, eat when I felt like I’d probably vomit, and attend to others when I felt like I couldn’t think of anything but the pain.

Over a week on from the pain’s onset and still, it lingers. It’s important to remember that not only is pain impermanent but health and wellness too. This understanding keeps us firmly rooted and focused in the present moment, allowing us to fully appreciate and cherish the times in which we are healthy, thus leading to less mental suffering when the physical suffering of age approaches.

In my case, I have no doubt that my incessant stressing about the seemingly countless things I needed to get done at any given moment could have contributed to my current state. The brain is connected to the gut in highly intricate ways. Had I simply taken a few more seconds throughout the day to center myself, it’s possible this could have been avoided or at the least lessened.

But all we have now is the present moment. “Could have”s and “should have”s are not worth dwelling on. It’s not skillful to blame oneself as that too causes suffering. Instead, focus only on that which is in your control and accept that which is not. There’s no point to wallowing in self-pity or complaining about one’s condition without something actionable in mind.

A lot of the time, we find ourselves distracted by any number of things — music playing in our heads, work, conversation, dwelling on something we have to do later. We don’t always realize the peace one can experience from simply noticing the sensations of the human body. Sitting, standing, or lying, and then breathing and allowing oneself to focus on any particular body part. It can be helpful in making you aware of particular points of tension you might have. My favorite part of this exercise, however, is being able to hear your body’s rhythms.

On the day when my symptoms were the worst, I didn’t really have a choice but to do this on several occasions. The pain was so bad I couldn’t sleep most of the time so I closed my eyes and in doing so, noticed the sounds that my body would make. It made me feel a bit better to know that things were happening in there (picturing anthropomorphic cells communicating, coming up with a battle plan or something) and would likely be making me feel better soon. Viewing my pain through this lens gave me a degree of acceptance and, in a way, mental power over it.

As I continue to seek medical care for whatever’s going on with me, I have to remember that no matter the outcome, good or bad, that things simply are what they are and the only thing I can do is to accept the transient nature of things. This acceptance does not preclude me from doing that which is in my power to get help; it simply prepares me for any outcome. At least, that’s the idea. I’m aware I’m far from enlightened.