Aligning with Ji means that our relationships, whether they be familial, platonic, romantic, or whichever label we may apply to them, must be approached with steadfastness, loyalty, faithfulness, and care. Attachment and possessiveness are antithetical to mettā-karuṇā (loving-kindness and compassion, the virtue underlying all others). Clinging to permanence in relationships leads only to suffering for all occasions, including our connections with others and the people themselves, change and evolve. Embracing this fact allows us to navigate our relationships with grace and let go of rigid expectations about both the relationship and the person.

Every relationship consists of two whole, yet constructed, individuals. Each has their own identity, their own thoughts, ambitions, and aspirations. To seek to complete yourself or merge identities with another, or to view another as an extension of oneself is unskillful and leads to unrealistic expectations and inevitably, disappointment. Instead, one should cultivate a mindset of respect. While we are all articulations of the same whole, the difference and diversity remains. We are all complete persons with our own needs and limitations. To understand this is to foster patience and acceptance in relationships, ensuring they are harmonious and fulfilling.

Different cultures, contexts, periods, and dynamics have encouraged tiered relationship systems in which certain forms or types are placed above others. This too is unskillful. It promotes insecurity when one lacks a certain relationship, pride when one has a relationship others don’t, and of course, clinging and envy. No relationship type should be placed categorically above others, for all loving bonds carry intrinsic worth. While all relationships make qualitatively and quantitatively different demands, no form of connection is inherently beneath another’s dignity or unworthy of genuine care.

That being said, relationships must be founded on a mutual respect, an acknowledgment of one another as equals in the relational web. When the other party in a relationships breaks this contract, it is one’s responsibility to discern with honesty whether the relationship can be restored to mutual flourishing, or whether releasing it with compassion and without bitterness is the more skillful route. Self-respect is just as important as attending to the needs of others — when a relationship is defined more by its stressors than its alleviative qualities, it’s best to put oneself first. Relationships must only nurture personal growth (of both members) rather than hinder it.

One must embody the virtue of right speech in interactions with others. Emotions should be moderated, neither overwhelming with excessive positivity nor burdening with unchecked negativity. This is not emotional suppression, but mindfulness of situational context. Taking out one’s emotions on others or dismissing their fears and concerns disrupts harmony and creates resentment between parties. Right action is equally as important, particularly when it comes to consent, which should be honored without hesitation. Additionally, one should always be fully present when engaging with others, offering them undivided attention. In our interdependent world, everyone needs a shoulder to lean on — no one is an island.

We must be easily as quick to forgive others as we are to forgive ourselves. One should acknowledge the limitations of both themselves and others, focusing first on self-improvement before expecting the same from those around them. Forgiveness here should be understood not as absolving others of their faults or unskillful and harmful actions or words, but as letting go of one’s own unskillful mindsets resulting from such occasions. Through cultivation of patience, understanding, and generosity, one fosters relationships that are rooted in virtue and resilience. The path of epektasis cannot be walked alone. We must all improve ourselves and the world together by embodying mettā-karuṇā.